One more unassissted cycle...

...so the TTC (trying to conceive) saga continues. I was so hopeful last spring and summer, and even though I had 2 miscarriages last year, it still showed me that at least the parts were working. I actually had two cycles where I had a BFP. Since then, I feel as dry as the desert.

I started taking my basal body temperature (BBT) last June. I had no idea about my body at that time, and it's amazing how much I know now. So, I had a couple of VERY short cycles last summer - around 22-23 days, with NO positive OPK tests. I wasn't temping then, so I am not sure I ever ovulated. Since then, I am pretty sure I've ovulated, especially starting in August through December. And, my CM (I won't spell out this abbreviation...those of you who know what it means will understand, those of you who don't probably will think TMI), my CM was amazing. EW and W almost constantly from end of AF until I O'd. I felt so young again!

This month has been VERY strange. Microscopic amounts of fertile CM. Of the days I logged it on FF (fertilityfriend.com), it was scant at best. But, I had hope still. On the day most people and FF think I O'd, I had had some drinks with DH and I think it raised my temp the next day. If you take that temp out, my temps look pretty flat. It makes me think that my follicles are just not getting to the size they need to me. When your follicles are small, and underdeveloped, you don't produce enough progesterone to sustain a pregnancy. My old dr said I tested low on progesterone, which is one of the reasons I am taking it after what I believe is my ovulation date. Then, when my period started this cycle, I haven't even needed to use a tampon...only a minipad, which is really meant for only spotting. Almost like my uterus wasn't even fertile enough to sustain itself, let alone a baby. And, strangely enough, my hormones were crazy (by judging from my crying at the littlest of things) last Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Now, I have NO emotional hormone symptoms - I actually feel like I'm about to O now...hopeful and happy.

Well, DH and I were going to start clomid this month, but I'll be in Oregon for 4 days at EXACTLY the time I expect to ovulate this cycle. We decided that instead of starting and having NO hope of conceiving this month with clomid, we'd wait one more cycle and start then. As you may have read from my previous post, we were told that we should take clomid in consecutive months, and then only for six months max. We didn't want to "waste" one month when we knew I would be gone and have NO chance to conceive during my fertile window.

So, now we wait...patiently...for the little bean that I want so badly. Some days I think the day will never come, some days I feel so confident and sure it will. For now, I have to trust in God and take each day as a blessing. For life is a fragile thing - if we don't take advantage of it now, it may be gone before we know it.

New Horizons...hopefully soon!

Well, we FINALLY got in to see our new OB/GYN. Seems like it's taken FOREVER. I wish we could have been taking clomid starting in January, but it was just not to be. Let me lay some groundwork for those of you who don't know my whole story.

Oct 2006 - stopped taking BCP
December 2006 - got BFP (aka big fat positive, or positive pregnancy test)
January 2007 - miscarried the pregnancy after 7 weeks, 4 days
April 2007 - BFP again, only to start my period 7 days later
nothing of consequence since

So, we were working with a doctor with our old health insurance which was a PPO. Infertility was NOT covered, so we decided to change to an HMO so that 50% of infertility treatments are covered. That leads us to seeing our doctor today. Both DH (darling husband) and I really liked her. She looked at all my past paperwork and thought all my tests looked great. Good to hear. She's going to prescribe us clomid the next cycle it makes sense for us. It's a matter of timing though...I'll be gone for 4 days right around the time I ovulate. It makes NO sense to go on clomid if DH and I won't be able to try during that time. So, I'll have to wait to see when I get AF to know how the timing works with my trip. AND, you can only take clomid for 6 months total - and it should be consecutive months. The drug has a cumulative effect. If you skip a month, you still only get a total of 6 months, no more. So, we need to clear our calendar for the next six months to make sure we can make all of our appointments! Once we do start, here's what we do:

Day 1, 2, or 3 - go into the office for u/s of ovaries to check for any cysts. If there are cysts, clomid isn't a good choice.
Day 3-7 - take clomid
Day 21 - come in and take a progesterone test
Day 28...hope and pray for a BFP!

We try 50mg of clomid for the first 2 months, trying naturally. Then try going up to 100mg for 2 months, with or without IUI (intrauterine insemination), then 150mg for 2 months. If clomid doesn't work within 6 months, our dr said that it is contraindicated to use it any longer and a dr can be cited (at least in California) for using it longer.

Now, the IUI procedure...that's a whole other story for another day. I'll save that for when we actually do it, if it gets to that point.

So that's the deal so far. It is really interesting how dr's approach infertility differently. Our other doctor wanted us to have one ultrasound to check follicles every day for 10 days during the each clomid cycle. This was going to cost us at least $500 for the ultrasounds and $1,000 for the IUI. The approach of our new doctor will be MUCH cheaper where the ultrasound only costs us $75, and IUI only costs $75. Nice to know all of this in advance!

I really hope that we can become pregnant after all of this...not sure if we want to have the expense of doing and IVF or not...maybe it's something to talk about once I'm working again.

That's all for this post - thanks for reading!

Yo

The first entry

Well, I've always liked writing in a diary, but never thought of trying it as a blog. I've had several friends try it who seem to like blogging. I on the other hand am a little concerned with how much I'd like to say. I think I'll try using it for a while without telling anyone that I know and then see if I stay current.

My husband is intensely private and I like to respect his wishes. So, there may be subjects I don't discuss or that I tread lightly with. For now, a little about me. I was a nationally ranked gymnast growing up and competed at UCLA on a scholarship. I've worked in politics as an event planner, and then at a foundation doing similar things. I then decided a desk job wasn't for me. I took a leap of faith, quit my job and went back to school to get a masters in physical therapy degree. It took a lot of community college courses to get the proper prerequisites - chemistry, physics, anatomy, physiology, and psychology. I finally started in August 2005 and it is a three-year, full-time program. I now have one semester left and I just can't believe it. I am really loving what I'm doing.

I was married August 29, 2006 to a wonderful person. We've decided to try to start a family and have been trying since October 2006. We can't wait to be parents one day and we will probably adopt children as well as try to have our own.

For now, I must sign off...I have a big gymnastic meet that I am judging this weekend and will be gone Fri, Sat, Sun and still have some preparation to do. Hope you enjoy my blog - we'll see where it takes me.