Hi Everyone!
Well, I haven't had time to post recently because all I have been doing is studying for my comp exams. I can't believe they start tomorrow. Funny story, yesterday, we (me and my 4 best friends in my program) went to see a professor during office hours to go over a particularly hard gait/prosthetics/orthotics exam. In the hall, we saw many of our other professors. ALL of them looked at us and said, "of all the people taking the comps, you all have the least to worry about." It was unanimous too...each professor said basically the same thing, that we would do fine knowing that all of us are very good students. It was nice to hear. Nonetheless, I'm still a bit stressed. I have been trying as much as possible to not stress because I know it is not good for me when I'm pregnant. I've done pretty well for the most part.
The only time I had a MAJOR breakdown was on Monday. It was super hot here on Sun and Mon. Our apartment gets super hot. We do have a room air conditioner in the bedroom, but it makes a lot of noise and it startled me when DH turned it off on Sun night. So, I ended up being up from 1-4am. I had to be up at 8am the next day for class, then was going to study after for the rest of the day. Our class went late, I was having some horrible abdominal gas pain and bloating and I could feel the tears coming. I tried to make it to my car so my friends wouldn't see me have a breakdown, but one of them followed me so I could give her a ride. Right next to my car I completely lost it. She was really nice and just said to let it out. I cried all the way to our next study location and pretty much got it out. It was the combo of 1) being super tired, 2) being an emotional pregnant woman, 3) not feeling very good, and 4) being stressed that I needed to study and how was I going to do it under these conditions. Well, that's the only time it happened, so that's good. I've tried to be as productive as possible without taking myself too seriously. The consequences are to great if I allow for that. I don't want to harm the precious baby growing within me. That is worth everything in the world.
Well, next Wednesday is my first OB appt and u/s. I'm excited and really scared at the same time. I've tried to envision it going really well, but there's this fear inside that it won't be. I keep trying to remind myself that it is in God's hands, and that he has a plan for me. That's all I can do right now. DH will be going with me, so I'm praying it will be exactly what we want to see. An amazing beating heart on a tiny little being.
That's all for now...I'll check in again this weekend after my comp exams. Wish me luck!
xoxo Yo!
Another ride on the roller coaster!
Sean Patrick - born 12/28/08
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
6w1d
Hi all!
Sorry I haven't posted in while, but my comprehensive exams have been consuming much of my time of late. I'm pretty nervous for them. They are 2 four-hour days of testing that will take place on May 1 & 2 (next week). I must achieve a score of 75%. If I do not, I get one more time to take the test. If I do not pass the test at that point, I will not get my degree of master of physical therapy and 3 years of tough schooling go to waste. Now, I will say that no one has ever failed twice, so everyone has received their degree, and in the past few years, no one has failed taking the first test. So, I should take comfort in that and know that I get A's in most of my classes, so I should pass. But, being newly pregnant, my hormones are assisting me to be a bit scared about it.
Okay, about my pregnancy. I'm still pregnant. I am so thankful for that. I am moody, my boobs are very sore, I have occasional nausea, I fatigue easily, I have been constipated (but today had diarrhea). Oh, and I took another pregnancy test (my last Internet one) and it was as dark as the test can go. I haven't temp'd in a while, because my nose is stuffy and I sleep with my mouth open. I know if I would temp after open-mouth breathing and it was lower, it would freak me out, so I just skip it. For now, that has to be enough. DH is amazing - loving and caring as always. I am so lucky to have found such a wonderful partner in life.
My first OB appt is on May 7. It's a week and a half away, and I hope this little one is still with us and has a strong beating heart. That will be a miracle from God to see. I know it's in His hands, but I do my best to take care of myself - eating right and getting enough sleep - so I'm doing as much as I can.
Prayers out to Dawn for her loss. I hope everything passes soon so she and DH can start trying again. To go through three losses is so difficult, but she is an amazingly strong woman. Prayers also to Monty that her numbers continue the downward trend they are currently on. She deserves to move on from chemo and begin her 365 countdown.
For anyone that was interested, Mary's u/s went great. With any luck, we'll get to be pregnant together with only 2 weeks separating our delivery date. That would be amazing and lucky.
Love to all - thanks for reading and for all the prayers for a sticky bean this time. I so appreciate it.
xoxo Yo!
Sorry I haven't posted in while, but my comprehensive exams have been consuming much of my time of late. I'm pretty nervous for them. They are 2 four-hour days of testing that will take place on May 1 & 2 (next week). I must achieve a score of 75%. If I do not, I get one more time to take the test. If I do not pass the test at that point, I will not get my degree of master of physical therapy and 3 years of tough schooling go to waste. Now, I will say that no one has ever failed twice, so everyone has received their degree, and in the past few years, no one has failed taking the first test. So, I should take comfort in that and know that I get A's in most of my classes, so I should pass. But, being newly pregnant, my hormones are assisting me to be a bit scared about it.
Okay, about my pregnancy. I'm still pregnant. I am so thankful for that. I am moody, my boobs are very sore, I have occasional nausea, I fatigue easily, I have been constipated (but today had diarrhea). Oh, and I took another pregnancy test (my last Internet one) and it was as dark as the test can go. I haven't temp'd in a while, because my nose is stuffy and I sleep with my mouth open. I know if I would temp after open-mouth breathing and it was lower, it would freak me out, so I just skip it. For now, that has to be enough. DH is amazing - loving and caring as always. I am so lucky to have found such a wonderful partner in life.
My first OB appt is on May 7. It's a week and a half away, and I hope this little one is still with us and has a strong beating heart. That will be a miracle from God to see. I know it's in His hands, but I do my best to take care of myself - eating right and getting enough sleep - so I'm doing as much as I can.
Prayers out to Dawn for her loss. I hope everything passes soon so she and DH can start trying again. To go through three losses is so difficult, but she is an amazingly strong woman. Prayers also to Monty that her numbers continue the downward trend they are currently on. She deserves to move on from chemo and begin her 365 countdown.
For anyone that was interested, Mary's u/s went great. With any luck, we'll get to be pregnant together with only 2 weeks separating our delivery date. That would be amazing and lucky.
Love to all - thanks for reading and for all the prayers for a sticky bean this time. I so appreciate it.
xoxo Yo!
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Still Nervous...in a holding pattern
Well, first of all, I was a little nervous today because I didn't have to get up last night because of gassiness or to urinate, and today I didn't really feel that pregnant - not like I have been the other days. I do have very store bbs and am still constipated (sorry if TMI). I'm hoping I wasn't nauseous because I've been very good at eating frequently. I did temp and test this am, and HUGE BFP, so I guess that means I'm still pg. I really don't think I'll ever feel like I'm out of the woods on this. Maybe I'll feel better if I have a good u/s. Here's my BFP progression...
12 DPO
18 DPO
12 DPO
18 DPO 23 DPO - today - 4/20/08
Speaking of u/s, that's the other thing. My dr office messed up on my appt and my dr isn't available for an initial pregnancy visit until June. So, I have to see another dr and that will happen on 5/7. Interestingly enough, if I make it that far, I'll be 7w5d. Love how numbers do that sometimes. So, I pray all the time for God to look after this little life growing inside me. I know he has a plan for me and I just hope that his plans include me giving birth in December.
Sorry if I bug anyone with my "I'm so scared" posts, but it is really hard after having multiple m/c. I probably analyze things WAY too much. But, it's all I have right now, so that's what I'm going on for now. Thanks to everyone for their prayers for my little bean!
I will say, DH is amazing every day and in every way. He is so good to me and makes me smile all the time. I feel blessed to have him in my life and know that no matter what happens, we can get through this uncertainty together.
Love to everyone.
xoxo Yo!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Old Habits Die Hard
Hi Everyone!
Well, I did temp this morning and it's still up, so that's good. But, I didn't really "feel" pg today at all except for a short time during lunch when I waited to long to eat. I've noticed my hands get shaky if I don't have a snack between breakfast and lunch. Then I worked in our PT Student clinic. I was still feeling pretty "normal," so I decided when I got home I would POAS to make sure. Well, it was kind of interesting! A line came up instantly and in my mind, I just figured it was the control line. Then I looked at it further and realized it was the test line! After the 10 minutes passed, the line was DEFINITELY much, much darker than the original line. Here it is:
The other thing I did notice today, is that my weepiness came back. I was watching Desperate Housewives and almost started crying during it. I also started crying on my walk with Mary tonight. And, I got tears in my eyes when I read Holly's post about how great the ladies we have on our board are. It really is an amazing group that is so supportive of one another and she summed it up eloquantly. Thank Holly - right back at you. I completely agree.
As I mentioned above, I had a nice long walk with Mary tonight, which is always good for my soul. She has her u/s tomorrow and I'm wishing her the best of luck with it. I hope she and her DH get to see a nice beating heart! She is really helping me stay positive right now. I can't thank her enough - and she being newly pregnant too - I feel so lucky.
Okay, to my BBC girls: Prayers out to Dawn - hope she find some good news out about her beta numbers - that she's PG with a sticky little bean!!! Prayers to Jen and the other girls on the BBC board - I so hope they all get their BFPs soon! Boy, if that happens, I'm going to start calling this the Miracle board. And, lastly, prayers out to Monty, who needs them the most to rid her body of this cancer. She is a courageous woman and I hope this chapter in her life ends very soon. Thanks God for listening. We know you're up there watching over us.
Okay, I'm exhausted now (9:30pm) and MUST go to bed. Tomorrow will be an excellent and productive study day! (Yes, trying to convince myself!)
Love to everyone! xoxo Yo!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Still Checking...
Hi Everyone!
Okay, so I didn't POAS today or take my temps. I'm proud of that. But, I did feel a bit uneasy all day. I wasn't really nauseous at all today, but my bbs do hurt a lot more these last few days. I'm still a bit tired, oh, and AF hasn't shown up...so I guess I'm still PG without knowing from my temps or POAS.
BUT, I still check for AF signs EVERY time I go to the bathroom. I worry when I cough hard that I'm going to upset the delicate growth that is hiding in my uterus. I sometimes feel like I'm having some AF discharge...then check, and nothing. Okay, I'm a little bit crazy.
I remember feeling this way with my first pregnancy, and after a while, the uneasy feeling went away and I stopped being paranoid looking for AF. I hope it goes away with this pregnancy soon too...maybe if the first u/s goes well. So strange for something to be going on in your body that you have NO control over. A prayer and good healthy habits is all I can do.
2 weeks until I take my comprehensive exams. DH has told me I'm NOT allowed to stress out about it, so I'm taking his advice seriously. I am studying, but I know that keeping my stress level down now is really important.
Thanks to everyone for thought and prayers - my little bean is still holding on.
xoxo Yo!
Okay, so I didn't POAS today or take my temps. I'm proud of that. But, I did feel a bit uneasy all day. I wasn't really nauseous at all today, but my bbs do hurt a lot more these last few days. I'm still a bit tired, oh, and AF hasn't shown up...so I guess I'm still PG without knowing from my temps or POAS.
BUT, I still check for AF signs EVERY time I go to the bathroom. I worry when I cough hard that I'm going to upset the delicate growth that is hiding in my uterus. I sometimes feel like I'm having some AF discharge...then check, and nothing. Okay, I'm a little bit crazy.
I remember feeling this way with my first pregnancy, and after a while, the uneasy feeling went away and I stopped being paranoid looking for AF. I hope it goes away with this pregnancy soon too...maybe if the first u/s goes well. So strange for something to be going on in your body that you have NO control over. A prayer and good healthy habits is all I can do.
2 weeks until I take my comprehensive exams. DH has told me I'm NOT allowed to stress out about it, so I'm taking his advice seriously. I am studying, but I know that keeping my stress level down now is really important.
Thanks to everyone for thought and prayers - my little bean is still holding on.
xoxo Yo!
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
I know I'm Pregnant Because...
Hi Everyone!
Okay, so I've had a few people to tell me to STOP my POAS and temperature taking addictions. I'm not sure I'm quite ready to quit cold turkey, but I figured I'd use today's blog to remind myself that there are other ways to convince myself I'm pregnant. Here's goes!
"I know I'm pregnant because..."
1. I almost threw up in the shower today.
2. I feel nauseous and shakey if I get too hungry.
3. DH looks at me with special "super secret" eyes.
4. God is with me and has a plan for me.
5. I've recently ate the BEST green beans EVER (really??? can green beans really be that good???)
6. I don't currently like the taste of chocolate (WHAT??? chocolate is a staple of my life)
7. I feel a "pressure" in my uterus area
8. My breasts are starting to hurt.
9. I've taken 15 urine pregnancy tests and 2 blood tests (oh, wait, I'm not supposed to use this one!)
10. I get up to urniate 2-3 times per night.
11. AF has not shown up yet.
As I mentioned before, I feel a bit like an alcoholic - the AA sayings apply to me right now, so I'm reminding myself to pay attention to the messages. (For those of you who don't know, I have had some people in my family who have been addicted to drugs or alcohol, so I know a lot about the 12 steps.) There are some messages that apply to me right now:
- Let Go and Let God
- One Day at a Time
And, I think it's time for me to say the AA serenity prayer...
God,
Grant me the courage to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can, and
The wisdom to know the difference.
I may not be perfect, but I can try to live by these words as much as possible. They are good messages.
The next hurdle is our u/s, which is on 4/28. Because I didn't ovulate on CD 14 but rather on CD 11, I'm not sure exactly what to expect as far as measurements. If you count from the first day of my LMP, I'll be at 43 days, which is 6w1d. If you count from when I O'd, it will put me at 6w3d or so. It's probably a little early for an u/s, but hopefully we'll see something. We're still so guarded as we've been down this path before and then it ended. (Although we've never made it far enough to have an u/s.) We're hoping and praying that this time our little bean is sticky and snuggly. No matter what though, the love DH and I have for each other is strong and that is worth everything in the world. And, I know I have a lof of people praying for me and it touches my heart. Thank you.
Hope everyone is doing great. Thanks for sharing my journey with me.
xoxo Yo!
Okay, so I've had a few people to tell me to STOP my POAS and temperature taking addictions. I'm not sure I'm quite ready to quit cold turkey, but I figured I'd use today's blog to remind myself that there are other ways to convince myself I'm pregnant. Here's goes!
"I know I'm pregnant because..."
1. I almost threw up in the shower today.
2. I feel nauseous and shakey if I get too hungry.
3. DH looks at me with special "super secret" eyes.
4. God is with me and has a plan for me.
5. I've recently ate the BEST green beans EVER (really??? can green beans really be that good???)
6. I don't currently like the taste of chocolate (WHAT??? chocolate is a staple of my life)
7. I feel a "pressure" in my uterus area
8. My breasts are starting to hurt.
9. I've taken 15 urine pregnancy tests and 2 blood tests (oh, wait, I'm not supposed to use this one!)
10. I get up to urniate 2-3 times per night.
11. AF has not shown up yet.
As I mentioned before, I feel a bit like an alcoholic - the AA sayings apply to me right now, so I'm reminding myself to pay attention to the messages. (For those of you who don't know, I have had some people in my family who have been addicted to drugs or alcohol, so I know a lot about the 12 steps.) There are some messages that apply to me right now:
- Let Go and Let God
- One Day at a Time
And, I think it's time for me to say the AA serenity prayer...
God,
Grant me the courage to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can, and
The wisdom to know the difference.
I may not be perfect, but I can try to live by these words as much as possible. They are good messages.
The next hurdle is our u/s, which is on 4/28. Because I didn't ovulate on CD 14 but rather on CD 11, I'm not sure exactly what to expect as far as measurements. If you count from the first day of my LMP, I'll be at 43 days, which is 6w1d. If you count from when I O'd, it will put me at 6w3d or so. It's probably a little early for an u/s, but hopefully we'll see something. We're still so guarded as we've been down this path before and then it ended. (Although we've never made it far enough to have an u/s.) We're hoping and praying that this time our little bean is sticky and snuggly. No matter what though, the love DH and I have for each other is strong and that is worth everything in the world. And, I know I have a lof of people praying for me and it touches my heart. Thank you.
Hope everyone is doing great. Thanks for sharing my journey with me.
xoxo Yo!
Monday, April 14, 2008
Each new day a blessing
Hi Everyone,
Well, one hurdle crossed - I'm still pregnant and my hcG numbers have doubled appropriately. Heard from the nurse today here's what happened:
Thursday at 8am - 121
Saturday at 8am - 408
YAY! This makes me very relieved, but still guarded. At this point, no more tests from the dr on how my pregnancy is progressing until I go in for my first appointment on April 28. It seems so far away at this point. I pray I make it to this date - when I had my first miscarriage, I was to see the dr for my first u/s on a Monday, and I started bleeding on a Friday. A healthy u/s on April 28 would be a miracle from God.
Well, I purchased some FRER pregnancy tests yesterday because I figured they would be more sensitive than the internet cheapies I had been using that are almost gone now. So, I POAS this am anticipating that the line would still be a little light and that I could watch it get darker over the next few days with a more sensitive test. Well, much to my surprise, it was pretty much as dark as it can be now, so I guess I've reached the end of being able to test how my pregnancy is progressing with urine! (I guess I'm being a bit obsessive about this, but can you blame me?) Anyways, here's the test. The picture is from tonight, so WAY after the 10 minute accuracy point is long gone, but the test basically looks just like it did this morning:
Well, I'm still feeing symptoms - cramping, constipation, and only a slight bit of nausea now, but I do get up to use the restroom 2-3 times a night. My breasts are even getting a little sore, and I remember from my first pregnancy, it took a while for that to happen as well. I find myself kind of wishing for symptoms so that I know I'm still pg.
DH is being AMAZING - offered to do the laundry tonight and when I asked to help, he said, "no, I've got it - you just rest." He is just wonderful always, but especially so when we've got this super secret. Which bring up a point I haven't mentioned, but we're not telling family as of yet. We haven't decided when we'll tell them, but I think at least until we see a heart beat on u/s, or possibly not until the 2nd trimester. I pray every day that we make it that far. I know it's in God's hands and all I can do is be a spectator and enjoy every day that I stay pregnant.
Shout out to Mary this week - she is having her first u/s on Friday and is a bit nervous after her December miscarriage. I'm hoping I can report that her little bean is growing great and that her and I can be pg together - we're due within 2 weeks of each other...unbelieveable.
Thanks as always for reading my blog. Love to everyone - especially Monty who is still going through chemo. I'm praying her numbers go WAY down after this week's treatment. She is truly an amazing and courageous person.
xoxo Yo!
Well, one hurdle crossed - I'm still pregnant and my hcG numbers have doubled appropriately. Heard from the nurse today here's what happened:
Thursday at 8am - 121
Saturday at 8am - 408
YAY! This makes me very relieved, but still guarded. At this point, no more tests from the dr on how my pregnancy is progressing until I go in for my first appointment on April 28. It seems so far away at this point. I pray I make it to this date - when I had my first miscarriage, I was to see the dr for my first u/s on a Monday, and I started bleeding on a Friday. A healthy u/s on April 28 would be a miracle from God.
Well, I purchased some FRER pregnancy tests yesterday because I figured they would be more sensitive than the internet cheapies I had been using that are almost gone now. So, I POAS this am anticipating that the line would still be a little light and that I could watch it get darker over the next few days with a more sensitive test. Well, much to my surprise, it was pretty much as dark as it can be now, so I guess I've reached the end of being able to test how my pregnancy is progressing with urine! (I guess I'm being a bit obsessive about this, but can you blame me?) Anyways, here's the test. The picture is from tonight, so WAY after the 10 minute accuracy point is long gone, but the test basically looks just like it did this morning:
Well, I'm still feeing symptoms - cramping, constipation, and only a slight bit of nausea now, but I do get up to use the restroom 2-3 times a night. My breasts are even getting a little sore, and I remember from my first pregnancy, it took a while for that to happen as well. I find myself kind of wishing for symptoms so that I know I'm still pg.
DH is being AMAZING - offered to do the laundry tonight and when I asked to help, he said, "no, I've got it - you just rest." He is just wonderful always, but especially so when we've got this super secret. Which bring up a point I haven't mentioned, but we're not telling family as of yet. We haven't decided when we'll tell them, but I think at least until we see a heart beat on u/s, or possibly not until the 2nd trimester. I pray every day that we make it that far. I know it's in God's hands and all I can do is be a spectator and enjoy every day that I stay pregnant.
Shout out to Mary this week - she is having her first u/s on Friday and is a bit nervous after her December miscarriage. I'm hoping I can report that her little bean is growing great and that her and I can be pg together - we're due within 2 weeks of each other...unbelieveable.
Thanks as always for reading my blog. Love to everyone - especially Monty who is still going through chemo. I'm praying her numbers go WAY down after this week's treatment. She is truly an amazing and courageous person.
xoxo Yo!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
5 Days of BFPs & High Temps
Hi all!
So far, I'm taking each day one at a time. Because I've had a chemical pregnancy previously, my excitetment now turns to one of wondering what will happen next.
The chemical pregnancy occured April 2007. I tested at day 27-ish (I wasn't charting at this point). I had been feeling the "cramping" as I've felt with all 3 pregnancies so far, so I had a feeling it would be BFP. Then DH and I want on vacation. Interestingly, I got the BFP on a digital test, but the words went away within 3 hours or so, which was a little weird. That was on Sunday. By Wednesday of our trip, and I don't recollect why, but I asked DH if we could stop to get more PG tests. We were in Navajo country so there were very few stores around. I took it, and BFN. We, at the time, thought that it was perhaps a faulty test because it may have been exposed to temperatures that damaged it. On the next Sunday of our trip, I started my period. I have no idea when I O'd for this April 2007 cycle, so I have no idea how far along I really was.
Fast forward to now. I find myself worried that I'm going to start AF any second, and that this BFP will be fleeting. I try to stay optomistic, but until I know my beta numbers, I feel like this is just a condition and not a pregnancy. Probably NOT the right attitude. I know it's not in my hands, but in God's hands, and I'm just along for the ride. All I can do is to take care of myself and know that it will all work out as it should, no matter what the outcome. One day at a time. Like a recovering alcoholic, that's how I'm currently living. Hopeful for the future, but guarded because of the past.
DH is so wonderful, he looks at me with such caring eyes that show he knows this is a miracle. I am lucky to have such an amazing husband whom I love dearly and loves me dearly. In the end, that is what matters most. I am truly blessed in life.
The good thing is that all my POAS tests are getting darker by the day and my temps are staying up. That means I'm pregnant, so that's a lot to be thankful for! And, I do keep imagining myself holding a beautiful baby. In my vision, I can even smell how wonderful the baby smells. Perfect bundle of joy in my arms.
One note about due dates...most MDs will start counting from the first day of your LMP. You then take that date (3/18/08) and subtract 3 months and add 7 days. This gives me a due of December 25! (I'm hoping that this means my little bean is truly a miracle!) If I calculate from my O date (3/28/08), FF calculates my due date as 12/19/08. So, I will definitely consider myself lucky if both my birthday (12/14) AND Christmas presents can be a healthy baby in my arms. That would be the most amazing present ever.
Thanks so much to everyone for their thoughts and prayers and advice. It means so much to me and I am grateful.
xoxo Yo!
So far, I'm taking each day one at a time. Because I've had a chemical pregnancy previously, my excitetment now turns to one of wondering what will happen next.
The chemical pregnancy occured April 2007. I tested at day 27-ish (I wasn't charting at this point). I had been feeling the "cramping" as I've felt with all 3 pregnancies so far, so I had a feeling it would be BFP. Then DH and I want on vacation. Interestingly, I got the BFP on a digital test, but the words went away within 3 hours or so, which was a little weird. That was on Sunday. By Wednesday of our trip, and I don't recollect why, but I asked DH if we could stop to get more PG tests. We were in Navajo country so there were very few stores around. I took it, and BFN. We, at the time, thought that it was perhaps a faulty test because it may have been exposed to temperatures that damaged it. On the next Sunday of our trip, I started my period. I have no idea when I O'd for this April 2007 cycle, so I have no idea how far along I really was.
Fast forward to now. I find myself worried that I'm going to start AF any second, and that this BFP will be fleeting. I try to stay optomistic, but until I know my beta numbers, I feel like this is just a condition and not a pregnancy. Probably NOT the right attitude. I know it's not in my hands, but in God's hands, and I'm just along for the ride. All I can do is to take care of myself and know that it will all work out as it should, no matter what the outcome. One day at a time. Like a recovering alcoholic, that's how I'm currently living. Hopeful for the future, but guarded because of the past.
DH is so wonderful, he looks at me with such caring eyes that show he knows this is a miracle. I am lucky to have such an amazing husband whom I love dearly and loves me dearly. In the end, that is what matters most. I am truly blessed in life.
The good thing is that all my POAS tests are getting darker by the day and my temps are staying up. That means I'm pregnant, so that's a lot to be thankful for! And, I do keep imagining myself holding a beautiful baby. In my vision, I can even smell how wonderful the baby smells. Perfect bundle of joy in my arms.
One note about due dates...most MDs will start counting from the first day of your LMP. You then take that date (3/18/08) and subtract 3 months and add 7 days. This gives me a due of December 25! (I'm hoping that this means my little bean is truly a miracle!) If I calculate from my O date (3/28/08), FF calculates my due date as 12/19/08. So, I will definitely consider myself lucky if both my birthday (12/14) AND Christmas presents can be a healthy baby in my arms. That would be the most amazing present ever.
Thanks so much to everyone for their thoughts and prayers and advice. It means so much to me and I am grateful.
xoxo Yo!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
The Digital - 4w0d
Hi all - this will be short as well, but wanted to let you all know what the digital said...
Yay! We still know there are many MAJOR milestones to pass, but we're just celebrating the moment now.
xoxo Yo!
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
CD23 ~12DPO - Miracle
Wow...it's been a full year since I've had a BFP. And, tonight, on only 2 hours of urine, I got a BFP. I'm still very cautious with my excitement, but wow...I just can't believe it. I must thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers - THEY WORKED!!! Special thanks to Monty - she said and wrote some amazing prayers that brought tears to my eyes. Especially since she's going through such a hard time right now...and still being so giving to other people. Truly someone to model your life after.
Well, I'm going to keep this short...I've had 2 losses and who knows if this will be a sticky bean or not, but I will pray every night for it to be blessed. This is truly a miracle.
Well, I'm going to keep this short...I've had 2 losses and who knows if this will be a sticky bean or not, but I will pray every night for it to be blessed. This is truly a miracle.
Monday, April 7, 2008
CD 21 ~10DPO - still a little hormonal
Hi everyone!
Well, I think the hormones are being controlled a bit better, now I just feel a bit weepy. Actually, it's nice that I have school/internships because then I don't wallow in my own hormonal thoughts! I think that makes things TONS better. When I'm hormonal, I tend to think too much and can really work myself up. Not good! ;-)
Went in for my CD 21 blood test to check progesterone. I'll call the doc on Wednesday to find out what the results were. I did test and BFN yesterday and today. I'm a bit embarrassed to admit to testing so early...but there you have it. I did it. 9 and 10 DPO - what did I expect? I wasn't surprised at all with the result and it didn't affect my mood at all, so that's good.
One good thing is that my CM has been amazing for the 2nd half of my cycle. It's been more plentiful than ever before, so maybe that means my progesterone level is better. (I read somewhere that progesterone affects that, but I don't know for sure.) All I know is that this cycle is a bit different than previous ones, so I'm hoping it means my body is normalizing. Several people have said that BFPs tend to come on the 2nd cycle of clomid--not that I'm completely giving up this cycle--but keeping that knowledge in my back pocket to hope for the future if this cycle doesn't end up with my miracle.
I must say thanks to everyone who is wishing me well - it helps so much to know that you have support. No matter what happens, the journey IS the reward. You learn to appreciate the little things by learning to love your life. I truly love my life and all the wonderful opportunities I have been blessed with.
xoxo Yo!
Well, I think the hormones are being controlled a bit better, now I just feel a bit weepy. Actually, it's nice that I have school/internships because then I don't wallow in my own hormonal thoughts! I think that makes things TONS better. When I'm hormonal, I tend to think too much and can really work myself up. Not good! ;-)
Went in for my CD 21 blood test to check progesterone. I'll call the doc on Wednesday to find out what the results were. I did test and BFN yesterday and today. I'm a bit embarrassed to admit to testing so early...but there you have it. I did it. 9 and 10 DPO - what did I expect? I wasn't surprised at all with the result and it didn't affect my mood at all, so that's good.
One good thing is that my CM has been amazing for the 2nd half of my cycle. It's been more plentiful than ever before, so maybe that means my progesterone level is better. (I read somewhere that progesterone affects that, but I don't know for sure.) All I know is that this cycle is a bit different than previous ones, so I'm hoping it means my body is normalizing. Several people have said that BFPs tend to come on the 2nd cycle of clomid--not that I'm completely giving up this cycle--but keeping that knowledge in my back pocket to hope for the future if this cycle doesn't end up with my miracle.
I must say thanks to everyone who is wishing me well - it helps so much to know that you have support. No matter what happens, the journey IS the reward. You learn to appreciate the little things by learning to love your life. I truly love my life and all the wonderful opportunities I have been blessed with.
xoxo Yo!
Sunday, April 6, 2008
CD 20 - ~9DPO - total breakdown...
Hi all!
So, I'm feeling pretty good right now, but boy, if you could have heard me this morning! As I mentioned last night, I was feeling a bit hormonal and was having trouble communicating because the words just wouldn't come off my tongue. Well, this AM, it kicked into full gear.
So I ended up at the Venice beach pier where I paid $7 to park. I was supposed to meet my family at the Pier at 11am and it was about 11:1oam. So I called (hoping they were running a tiny bit late so I could go get a coffee bean ice blended), and they had just barely left and had totally changed the plans and were now going out to breakfast in another area first. WHAT??? I had just driven there...alone...paid $7 to park...and now they weren't going to show up for at least 3 hours. I had a fit. I started bawling. I totally let my brother have it. So, I guess because it's family I took it a bit too personally, but couldn't get over it. They invited me to come to breakfast, but I declined because I KNEW I was NOT good company at that moment. I went home, DH was getting read for his choral rehearsal (which is why he wasn't with me). Told him the story, started bawling again. He just gave me a hug. It solved everything in the world. He didn't say much, but that little bit of love was just what I needed.
It all worked out in the end, my family came to pick me up at about 2pm, and we went to Venice beach. It was good fun - we flew kites, buried my little brother and sister in the sand, walked to see all the street performers. DH then met us for dinner and it turned out to be a LOVELY day. With hindsight, I know it was the hormones that were turning me into a blubbering idiot. I think I'm still feeling a bit "weepy," but now that I know it's the hormones, I can understand it better. I guess this may be still a bit of the clomid stuff going on because I'm not usually like this until the end of my cycle.
I go in for my progesterone blood test tomorrow, so I'll keep everyone posted once I hear. Thanks for reading tonight...it really helps to get this off my chest and kind of look at it from an outsider's point of view. Love to everyone.
xoxo Yo!
So, I'm feeling pretty good right now, but boy, if you could have heard me this morning! As I mentioned last night, I was feeling a bit hormonal and was having trouble communicating because the words just wouldn't come off my tongue. Well, this AM, it kicked into full gear.
So I ended up at the Venice beach pier where I paid $7 to park. I was supposed to meet my family at the Pier at 11am and it was about 11:1oam. So I called (hoping they were running a tiny bit late so I could go get a coffee bean ice blended), and they had just barely left and had totally changed the plans and were now going out to breakfast in another area first. WHAT??? I had just driven there...alone...paid $7 to park...and now they weren't going to show up for at least 3 hours. I had a fit. I started bawling. I totally let my brother have it. So, I guess because it's family I took it a bit too personally, but couldn't get over it. They invited me to come to breakfast, but I declined because I KNEW I was NOT good company at that moment. I went home, DH was getting read for his choral rehearsal (which is why he wasn't with me). Told him the story, started bawling again. He just gave me a hug. It solved everything in the world. He didn't say much, but that little bit of love was just what I needed.
It all worked out in the end, my family came to pick me up at about 2pm, and we went to Venice beach. It was good fun - we flew kites, buried my little brother and sister in the sand, walked to see all the street performers. DH then met us for dinner and it turned out to be a LOVELY day. With hindsight, I know it was the hormones that were turning me into a blubbering idiot. I think I'm still feeling a bit "weepy," but now that I know it's the hormones, I can understand it better. I guess this may be still a bit of the clomid stuff going on because I'm not usually like this until the end of my cycle.
I go in for my progesterone blood test tomorrow, so I'll keep everyone posted once I hear. Thanks for reading tonight...it really helps to get this off my chest and kind of look at it from an outsider's point of view. Love to everyone.
xoxo Yo!
Saturday, April 5, 2008
CD 19 - ?8DPO - Little Hormonal
Hi all!
Well, I continue to feel really nothing that even remotely resembles how I feel when I'm PG. But, I am a little more hormonal than usual. It's funny, but sometimes I know my hormones are a little "off" because I have trouble formulating words to my mouth. I can think of what I want to say, but it just doesn't roll off like usual. I feel like I put my foot in my mouth more than ever and basically feel awkward. I usually happens in the second hald of my cycle. At times like these, I basically just try to keep my mouth shut!
My family is in town, and it's really nice. I'll get to see them tomorrow during the day, but then won't see them during the week because I have my clinical internship this week. They leave on Thurday early am. Bummer!
I think DH and I might ask the dr to do IUI next cycle. She suggested we try for two cycles with clomid on our own, but we're kind of feeling like why waste the clomid cycles when BDing on our own hasn't produced anything for a year now. :-( We'll see what she says. I'm also going to ask her about other drugs that might help.
Thats it for now. Hugs out to Monty going through chemo. I hope she's doing okay. She's in my prayers all the time for a quick recovery.
xoxo Yo!
PS - my UCLA Bruins lost...but at least UNC lost as well. Bummer...I was hoping this was our golden year, but it wasn't meant to be.
Well, I continue to feel really nothing that even remotely resembles how I feel when I'm PG. But, I am a little more hormonal than usual. It's funny, but sometimes I know my hormones are a little "off" because I have trouble formulating words to my mouth. I can think of what I want to say, but it just doesn't roll off like usual. I feel like I put my foot in my mouth more than ever and basically feel awkward. I usually happens in the second hald of my cycle. At times like these, I basically just try to keep my mouth shut!
My family is in town, and it's really nice. I'll get to see them tomorrow during the day, but then won't see them during the week because I have my clinical internship this week. They leave on Thurday early am. Bummer!
I think DH and I might ask the dr to do IUI next cycle. She suggested we try for two cycles with clomid on our own, but we're kind of feeling like why waste the clomid cycles when BDing on our own hasn't produced anything for a year now. :-( We'll see what she says. I'm also going to ask her about other drugs that might help.
Thats it for now. Hugs out to Monty going through chemo. I hope she's doing okay. She's in my prayers all the time for a quick recovery.
xoxo Yo!
PS - my UCLA Bruins lost...but at least UNC lost as well. Bummer...I was hoping this was our golden year, but it wasn't meant to be.
CD19 - 8?DPO - Not Feeling Anything
Hi Everone!
The two other times that I've tested postive, I actually had a reason to test. I was feeling a very different type of cramping that happened about 5 days before AF was due. AF typically came around CD 28, so that meant I felt it on CD 23. I wasn't keeping good records at that time, so I don't know when I O'd or when I actually started the "crampy" feeling. The other thing that happened, was I had to pee all the time. Most importantly, I had to pee in the middle of the night. In fact, I always took my PG tests at about 3am because that was as close to FMU that I could get both positives I got.
So this month, after feeling so hopeful taking clomid, I sit here around 8 DPO feeling nothing and feeling like my temps aren't that great. Even at 7am today, my temp was 98.03...which means it would have been down around 97.78 if I had taken my temp at 5:45am like usual. That's very near my cover line. I guess it would be an implantation dip, but who am I kidding but myself. I just don't think it happened this month.
On Monday, I go in for my CD21 progesterone blood test. The dr could care less when I O...but I think the test is supposed to take place 7DPO, so instead it will be 10DPO. I'm taking supplemental progesterone as well during the second half of my cycle, but I'm guessing it's going to be low...maybe that will lead to her taking more action regarding medical stimulation. I'm going to ask about Follistim, which I think can help make follicles bigger. I am super luck in life and have so much to be happy about. I may have had a little stall in my TTC attempts, but I will not let it get me down.
My Dad, his wife, and my twin brother and sister will be here this weekend, so that's super exciting. The twins are 10 years old and are such great kids. Unfortunately, I'll only get to see them today and tomorrow because I'll be doing my pediatric clinical internship the next week and can't take time off. I was worried about the weather for them, but the sun has just poked her head out instead of the morning drizzle that was forecasted. I hope we have some great sun for them this week!
Love goes out to Monty with the start of her chemo after her molar pregnancy. She is a strong woman and will WIN this fight with cancer. My prayers go out to her. I can't imagine how hard it would be to go through what she is going through. And, her attitude is AMAZING.
Love to everyone else. Hope you all have a GREAT weekend.
xoxo Yo!
PS - as always, shout out to my UCLA Bruin basketball team. They play at 3pm Pacific time today in the first final four game. It would be wonderful if they won - at this point in the tournament, it takes a lot of luck joining forces with all the hard work they've done over the season. GO BRUINS!!!
The two other times that I've tested postive, I actually had a reason to test. I was feeling a very different type of cramping that happened about 5 days before AF was due. AF typically came around CD 28, so that meant I felt it on CD 23. I wasn't keeping good records at that time, so I don't know when I O'd or when I actually started the "crampy" feeling. The other thing that happened, was I had to pee all the time. Most importantly, I had to pee in the middle of the night. In fact, I always took my PG tests at about 3am because that was as close to FMU that I could get both positives I got.
So this month, after feeling so hopeful taking clomid, I sit here around 8 DPO feeling nothing and feeling like my temps aren't that great. Even at 7am today, my temp was 98.03...which means it would have been down around 97.78 if I had taken my temp at 5:45am like usual. That's very near my cover line. I guess it would be an implantation dip, but who am I kidding but myself. I just don't think it happened this month.
On Monday, I go in for my CD21 progesterone blood test. The dr could care less when I O...but I think the test is supposed to take place 7DPO, so instead it will be 10DPO. I'm taking supplemental progesterone as well during the second half of my cycle, but I'm guessing it's going to be low...maybe that will lead to her taking more action regarding medical stimulation. I'm going to ask about Follistim, which I think can help make follicles bigger. I am super luck in life and have so much to be happy about. I may have had a little stall in my TTC attempts, but I will not let it get me down.
My Dad, his wife, and my twin brother and sister will be here this weekend, so that's super exciting. The twins are 10 years old and are such great kids. Unfortunately, I'll only get to see them today and tomorrow because I'll be doing my pediatric clinical internship the next week and can't take time off. I was worried about the weather for them, but the sun has just poked her head out instead of the morning drizzle that was forecasted. I hope we have some great sun for them this week!
Love goes out to Monty with the start of her chemo after her molar pregnancy. She is a strong woman and will WIN this fight with cancer. My prayers go out to her. I can't imagine how hard it would be to go through what she is going through. And, her attitude is AMAZING.
Love to everyone else. Hope you all have a GREAT weekend.
xoxo Yo!
PS - as always, shout out to my UCLA Bruin basketball team. They play at 3pm Pacific time today in the first final four game. It would be wonderful if they won - at this point in the tournament, it takes a lot of luck joining forces with all the hard work they've done over the season. GO BRUINS!!!
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
CD 16, ~5DPO and the BEST (worst?) PG test ever...
Hi all
There was this super cool PG test that circulated the message boards recently. It was a USB-based PG test. It not only gave you PG results, but also OPK results. It showed screen-shots of a computer progam that would give you hormone levels based on spectometry, it told you if you were PG AND if you were PG with multiples. I should have guessed right away, but when I tried to buy it...April Fools joke. It did make me laugh a bunch, but I bought it hook-line-and-sinker. I showed it to DH and he got mad about it. Then he said, why doesn't someone make something like that and if not, why tease people like that? If only that were possible for something like that to exist. I'm sure the American Medical Assoc would have something to say.
Well, sitting here around 4-5 DPO and am still sick with a cold. My voice is coming back today, but I'm super fatigued all afternoon. I haven't been sleeping that great due to my cough, so I'm really needing some quality sleep. DH offered to say home to take care of me today - so super sweet of him. I'd rather save that quality treatment for when I have a little one.
One more month exactly until my masters program in physical therapy gives us our culminating comprehensive exams, and boy, I better get my study on. I have a lot to learn/re-learn in a month. It's hard to motivate though when you're sick!
Clomid effects aren't really there at all anymore, except maybe the headaches. But, that could be related to the sickness, so I can't really blame clomid. I hope this month is our month. It would be a real blessing from God if it happened. Wish us luck!
xoxo Yo!
PS - please wish my UCLA Bruin basketball team GREAT luck in the Final Four! I'm so proud of them making it this far. GO BRUINS!
There was this super cool PG test that circulated the message boards recently. It was a USB-based PG test. It not only gave you PG results, but also OPK results. It showed screen-shots of a computer progam that would give you hormone levels based on spectometry, it told you if you were PG AND if you were PG with multiples. I should have guessed right away, but when I tried to buy it...April Fools joke. It did make me laugh a bunch, but I bought it hook-line-and-sinker. I showed it to DH and he got mad about it. Then he said, why doesn't someone make something like that and if not, why tease people like that? If only that were possible for something like that to exist. I'm sure the American Medical Assoc would have something to say.
Well, sitting here around 4-5 DPO and am still sick with a cold. My voice is coming back today, but I'm super fatigued all afternoon. I haven't been sleeping that great due to my cough, so I'm really needing some quality sleep. DH offered to say home to take care of me today - so super sweet of him. I'd rather save that quality treatment for when I have a little one.
One more month exactly until my masters program in physical therapy gives us our culminating comprehensive exams, and boy, I better get my study on. I have a lot to learn/re-learn in a month. It's hard to motivate though when you're sick!
Clomid effects aren't really there at all anymore, except maybe the headaches. But, that could be related to the sickness, so I can't really blame clomid. I hope this month is our month. It would be a real blessing from God if it happened. Wish us luck!
xoxo Yo!
PS - please wish my UCLA Bruin basketball team GREAT luck in the Final Four! I'm so proud of them making it this far. GO BRUINS!
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Catching Up and the TWW
Hi all - thanks for checking in!
Sorry I haven't posted lately, but it was a holiday weekend so we were busy and I ended up getting sick. :-( Okay, to catch things up a bit....
Well, first of all some GREAT news: I got a strong positive OPK test on Saturday at 9am. I was thrilled as it wasn't looking good the day before. The test lines on Friday were almost invisible. I feared that I wasn't going to have a surge at all. But, much to my delight, it was positive on Saturday. Unfortunately, my temperatures were all off. On Friday I was up and down all night and didn't get more than two hours of sleep at a time. (If only I were in training for an infant!) I don't know what it was, but sleep eluded me almost completely. This made my temps pretty high on Saturday. BUT, on Saturday night I had the most intense O pains I've ever felt. They weren't unbearable and not too bad, just surprising. So, I really think I O'd on Saturday night, but FF is putting it on Friday due to my lack of CM and temps on Friday. Something I have to keep in mind as I near the end of my LP. We'll see...maybe my LP will be 9 months!!! The good thing is that DH and I BD'd all the way through the weekend, so hopefully we caught our eggie.
One thing I am tickeled pink about is that my best friend found out she is PG again!!! I suggested she test last week, and she got her first positive on Thursday. She has a m/c in December, so I really hope she has a healthy bean this time. I'm sending her all the BEST pg vibes EVER!!! I so hope we can be PG together - would be a dream come true. I must say that it made it so much easier to be super excited for her because I've been a part of the whole process with her. I think it's harder on me when I hear someone is PG unexpectedly. That's when I get that yucky jealous feeling that makes me feel horrible about.
The other thing that happened this weekend is that I got sick. I haven't been able to speak normally since Saturday, ugh! I think it's just a virus, but still frustrating nonetheless. That's the other thing that happened on Saturday...the Mucinex (that was helping me get the only CM I was getting) was upsetting my stomach and I was having horrible acid reflux problems so I had to stop taking it. In hindsight too, I think the clomid really upset my stomach as well. When I get acid reflux, I usually don't know it until it's quite bad. In any case, I might have just use robi instead of Mucinex next clomid cycle...we'll see.
Other than that, I'm doing great. Doing a bit of lurking on the FF "waiting to test" message board, but probably won't post there...I like posting with my BBC girls to keep my sanity.
One quick word about a BBC friend - please send Monty your thoughts and prayers that she doesn't have to go through chemo after her molar pregnancy. She just received some bad news about her Beta numbers and really needs our prayers right now. Thanks to everyone.
Lastly, about clomid effects. I can't say I'm feeling anything else at this point, so I guess that's good. Other than my cold, I'm feeling quite good. That's all for tonight - love to everyone!
xoxo Yo!
Sorry I haven't posted lately, but it was a holiday weekend so we were busy and I ended up getting sick. :-( Okay, to catch things up a bit....
Well, first of all some GREAT news: I got a strong positive OPK test on Saturday at 9am. I was thrilled as it wasn't looking good the day before. The test lines on Friday were almost invisible. I feared that I wasn't going to have a surge at all. But, much to my delight, it was positive on Saturday. Unfortunately, my temperatures were all off. On Friday I was up and down all night and didn't get more than two hours of sleep at a time. (If only I were in training for an infant!) I don't know what it was, but sleep eluded me almost completely. This made my temps pretty high on Saturday. BUT, on Saturday night I had the most intense O pains I've ever felt. They weren't unbearable and not too bad, just surprising. So, I really think I O'd on Saturday night, but FF is putting it on Friday due to my lack of CM and temps on Friday. Something I have to keep in mind as I near the end of my LP. We'll see...maybe my LP will be 9 months!!! The good thing is that DH and I BD'd all the way through the weekend, so hopefully we caught our eggie.
One thing I am tickeled pink about is that my best friend found out she is PG again!!! I suggested she test last week, and she got her first positive on Thursday. She has a m/c in December, so I really hope she has a healthy bean this time. I'm sending her all the BEST pg vibes EVER!!! I so hope we can be PG together - would be a dream come true. I must say that it made it so much easier to be super excited for her because I've been a part of the whole process with her. I think it's harder on me when I hear someone is PG unexpectedly. That's when I get that yucky jealous feeling that makes me feel horrible about.
The other thing that happened this weekend is that I got sick. I haven't been able to speak normally since Saturday, ugh! I think it's just a virus, but still frustrating nonetheless. That's the other thing that happened on Saturday...the Mucinex (that was helping me get the only CM I was getting) was upsetting my stomach and I was having horrible acid reflux problems so I had to stop taking it. In hindsight too, I think the clomid really upset my stomach as well. When I get acid reflux, I usually don't know it until it's quite bad. In any case, I might have just use robi instead of Mucinex next clomid cycle...we'll see.
Other than that, I'm doing great. Doing a bit of lurking on the FF "waiting to test" message board, but probably won't post there...I like posting with my BBC girls to keep my sanity.
One quick word about a BBC friend - please send Monty your thoughts and prayers that she doesn't have to go through chemo after her molar pregnancy. She just received some bad news about her Beta numbers and really needs our prayers right now. Thanks to everyone.
Lastly, about clomid effects. I can't say I'm feeling anything else at this point, so I guess that's good. Other than my cold, I'm feeling quite good. That's all for tonight - love to everyone!
xoxo Yo!
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