Picking up the pieces

Hi all,

Well, many of you know, but for those who don't, I miscarried at 9 weeks.  I had a D&C last Friday, so our bean wasn't meant to be.  But, I know I'm 40, so it is very common for this to happen.  Doesn't make it easier, but makes it more understandable.  Good news is that Sean is a very precious distraction, and I love every minute I spend with him.  Plus, we are closing escrow on a house in Torrance soon, so we can't wait for that.  It was delayed by a day, but we expected much worse since we're getting a FHA loan.  We can't wait to get the keys on Thursday.  Did the walk through today, and no real glaring issues, just a few outstanding questions. 

We'll have an office when we move, so I'm hoping it will be easier to sit down to post, but we'll see.  In the meantime, thanks for reading.

Love to you all,
xoxo Yo!

u/s pics and scared

Hi all,

Okay, so it's been a big week, and I haven't been sleeping well, so I'm feeling prettyemotional right now.  Plus, I was really hoping to have seen a wonderful heart beat tonight....

Well, here are the u/s pics of our little bean:

The first is a picure of the fetal pole - hard to see if you don't know what you're looking at, but it's the blog in the middle of the amniotic sac.

The second picture is of the yolk sac which feeds the baby until the umbilical blood vessels take over.  It is the "bubble" looking thing in the amniotic sac.

Yes, I am scared.  Of course, my O date could be several days off, but not likely off by a week.  Hummm, now I'm just working myself up.  I just have to be patient, and know that I am blessed with wonderful family and we're about to move into a dream home for us.  I know if I get some sleep, it will help me get some perspective.

Thanks for listening...any prayers you have would be appreciated.  Or, encouragement...I'm a little down right now.

xoxo Yo

7w1d - Limbo Land

Hi all,

Well had the first u/s, and the bean was too small yet for a heart beat. I go back in 2 weeks for another u/s. There was a yolk sac and a fetal pole, so it's not bad news, but just not as far along as we had hoped. I also had a large cyst in my left ovary, do that was interesting. So, limbo land until 2 weeks from now. Still praying this little bean grows strong!

xoxo Yo!

9-month appt for Sean!!!

Hi all!

Sean finally had his 9 month appt and it went great. He weighed 21 lbs and was 29 1/4 inches tall. That's 80% for height, and 60% for weight. Dr was pleased with his progress. He had to have 3 shots--flu, hep b, and iron finger stick. He was not happy!

Oh, he is such a joyful little boy...pretty excited that he's going to have a house soon!!! Love to you all!

xoxo Yo!

6w4d - big week!

Hi all!

Tues--am house inspection, pm Sean's 9-month appt. He'll probably get shots, including flu and h1n1 if it is available. I'm excited to see how much he's grown! We should know right away about the house, so it is a lot in determining if we go through with it all. I can't believe we're about to buy a house!

Thurs--2pm first OB appt and u/s to confirm for heartbeat. I still don't feel very pg, but have been a little more fatigued lately. This first 12-15 weeks of pregnancy are so stressful! But, completely worth it

Ok, that's it for now...thus is a test of how to post from my phone! Love to you all!!!

xoxo Yo!

Wonderful Tuesdays, and 5w6d

Hi all!

Well, I'm at home with Sean on a Tuesday -- one of my favorite days of the week. I just put him down for a nap, so I hope he goes to sleep soon. He is so funny, he's cruising around, and realizes that he can cruise his crib. Low and behold, he finds "Froggy Friend" within arm's reach. He grabs the sleep cuddle, and after about 5 minutes of wrestling, gets it through the crib slots. He then starts sucking on it like usual, and then lays down on the floor and uses froggy friend as a pillow, just like he does in the crib. Yes, my first clue that he's tired! So, I changed his diaper and gave him a bottle, and now we'll see how fast he falls asleep. We always put him in his crib awake to let him fall asleep on his own. He rarely cries. He plays with his "friends" (he's got horsey friend, froggy friend, and moo-cow friend) and his crib activity center. Once he's done playing, he lies down and falls asleep if all goes well.

Here he is today with Froggy Friend on the floor!

Here he is during his Sunday nap with Froggy Friend.
(Horsey Friend is in the upper left corner!)

Pregnancy - not much to report. I haven't taken a pg test since Tuesday. They're pretty much at the point that they are useless anyway as the test line "steals" all the dye from the control line. Yes, that's good. I have been a little more fatigued. I have my 1 year review on Wednesday, and I think I'll tell them I'm pregnant. I figure they will know at some point anyway no matter what.

DH and I are also having me go on a job search for a new position closer to where our new house will be. There are several positions so far, and I think I'll start calling on them soon. I'd rather start before I'm obviously pregnant, and we're looking to move down there in the next month. Would be nice if I could manage to get myself a raise as well!

That's all to report here.... I love posting because it allows me to get things off my chest. All I can do right now re pregnancy is to Let Go and Let God.

Hugs to you all!

xoxo Yo!

Here are 2 pictures from today, and one from last Sunday at the park. He was just loving the swing!

This morning right after he woke up.
It's our special quiet / holding time together.

Here is the little cruiser dude checking
out Mommy and Daddy's books!

Here is Sean at the park on Sunday
LOVING the swing!

Pregnant - 5w3d

Hi all!

Okay, so I wanted to start getting regular about posting, but I haven't made the time. But, it is good to be back.

Update...I am pregnant. I don't feel pregnant at all, but I have chosen to not worry. God has a plan for me. Yes, I do get emotional, and very occasionally nauseous, but that's about it. For the first time last night, I got up to pee in the middle of the night. First time.

I've also lost 6 lbs in the last 2 weeks. No, I have not been dieting. My hunger level has not been what it is used to. I can't eat as much and get full easily. I had good Hcg # (12 DPO=76 with progesterone at 35, and 14 DPO=245). My first OB visit and ultrasound will be on Oct 1. I am praying for a healthy heartbeat. Grow little one, grow. I know the risks, but the reward is worth every bit of uneasiness.

Here are some pictures:

This is from last night. Yes, the test line is darker than the control line!

And, here is the series of tests I have taken, minus a few that weren't the dip kind:

So, I am celebrating the moment. I am blessed to already have a beautiful child. He and my husband are blessings in life. I'll try to post more often.

Love to all!
xoxo Yo!

9 DPO

Hi All,

Here I am 9 DPO, and definitely NOT feeling pg at all. But, I'm okay with it. I will say, if you click the FF link above, my chart looks a lot like my pg chart with Sean. To me, that doesn't scream out that I am pregnant, but that I definitely ovulated, and am probably not deficient in the progesterone department! So, it appears that my body might be fertile(?)! We'll see. I know testing now makes no sense, although I got my first BFN on this date with him. I think I'll wait until Thursday or Friday to POAS if AF doesn't show up by then. I haven't had a real AF for almost 17 months. I don't really count my last one as it was soooo short and easy.

Here is a fun video of Sean doing the "I want to walk" thing. He's been standing up like this for about 2 weeks, and he many times reaches to the next object to move himself along. He is also now learning how to better lower himself to the ground instead of falling.



Well, we are having a wonderful vacation and still have one more night. John enjoyed his 20-year high school reunion, and was able to see many friends he hadn't seen in years.

Signing off - will be back to post more later!

xoxo Yo!

2WW

Hi all!

It's been a busy few days, but I am going on vacation today through Monday! I worked 10 hours on Monday, 12 on Tuesday, and 12 on Wednesday, so I only have to use 6 hours of vacation for 5 full days. Wonderful. We're going up to my husband's home town for his 20-year high school reunion. It will be nice because we're staying with his parents and Sean just love them. For anyone who is on FB, there is a great shot of his "Nana" with Sean smiling his biggest smile. I just love it!

Well, I am pretty sure I had a good O! So, officially in the 2WW. I got a + OPK test, which, the only other time I got it was when I was on Clomid. Nice temp rise too, so with any luck, my luteal phase is long enough and shows my progesterone isn't low. And, would be nice to use a pg test again! I'm not getting my hopes too high, as this is the first cycle I've had since I was pg with Sean. And, no matter what happens, we are lucky in life and blessed we have our wonderful little guy. DH and I are in amazement of what new trick he's learned every day.

Sorry if this isn't organized well, but I'm doing it quickly before we leave on our trip. I'll try to check back in when I can. If you want to chart stalk me, click the ticker above. Love to you all!

xoxo Yo!
Sean is 7months, 2weeks old! OOH, I need to get another ticker up there for his age!!! Will work on it!

To not obsess

So, since we're TTC again, my biggest worry is to stay calm about it. It is a bit easier then when we were first trying because we have our beautiful baby Sean. What a lucky momma I am. I would love for him to have a sibling though, so wish us luck! I've been charting again, and I think my body is still adjusting to not breastfeeding. My temps are a bit whacko....

Sean is pulling up on things already. Wow, can't even believe it. He only really gets to his knees or a half-kneel, but for 7 months - really??? Well, I walked at 10 months with the aid of my family's Alaskan Malamute. I would hold on to his hair and walk around the house! I wish my parents had gotten a picture of this. Too funny.

I don't want to overwhelm myself by writing too much each blog, so maybe I'll get better about it. Just getting in the habit. Also, it will get me used to our new (just before Sean was born) mac mini. I never really had the time to figure it all out as I was all consumed with figuring out how Sean worked...now that I know better, I have a little more personal time.

Love to all those out there - hope to keep posting again soon! xoxo Yo

Hummm...am I back?

No time. Crazy busy since Sean was born, but I'm not complaining. I just haven't had time to edit or post this blog. Nice - for those of you who followed, I kind of just left you hanging. Sorry.

Sean Patrick was born on 12/28/08. I'll post his birth story in another post. For now, just have to say, he is the most amazing thing that's ever happened in my life. I am so lucky. I have a wonderful, loving husband, an amazing baby boy, and I love my job as a physical therapist. Lucky in life.

That's it for now. Yes, we're trying again. We'll see how it goes, but no matter what, even if I'm not able to have any more children, I feel super blessed with my life.

Love to you all!

xoxo Yo

41 weeks - yikes

Hi all!

Have to update you from my last appt, and going into our next appt as I'm not sure I'll be able to post after that...hoping we are busy holding, caring for and loving our little son by then! Sorry for the long post....

My dr appt on Wednesday (12/24) was really uneventful. They do a BPP (biophysical profile) at each visit after 40 weeks, so this was the 2nd time they did it. This test includes fetal monitoring for about 20 minutes, and u/s (amniotic fluid check, heart check, and breathing practicing check) and cervix check. Little guy is strong and good, had nice heart activity and good practice breathing. I have a lot of amniotic fluid. Cervix was unchanged from last visit...bummer. He did say my next appt was Sat and that they don't usually let mothers go past 41 weeks, because "nothing good happens after 41 weeks." So, I will most likely be induced on Saturday if I don't go into labor on my own. He said if they tried to induce me today, he felt it would take at least 2 days of labor and they are really hoping my body does it on it's own. Suggested that sex was the only thing that might help now....(insert devil emoticon here!). As you know, he isn't my favorite dr, but he was fine for this appt and was good at explaining things, so that was comforting. The good news is that MY dr is on call on 12/25-26, and my 2nd favorite dr is on call on 12/27! I sooooo hope I go into labor between now and then. But, if I don't get my favorite drs, it will be okay!

So fast forward to today...41 weeks. I never in a million years thought I would be a week overdue. This was never in my plan...welcome to the life of having children...rarely do things go as planned, and this little guy is already controlling things! The good news is that I started having very light, regular contractions yesterday evening at about 7:45pm. (NOTHING at all like this since the previous Thurs and Fri!) They were pretty much non-painful about 7-10 minutes apart all night that lasted 30-60 seconds each. (Timed them on my iPhone with a cool contraction program!) I stopped timing them this am since they weren't changing, but was more excited that maybe some progress was being made. I only noticed them initially when (TMI alert) I was lying down resting and felt some pressure in my bum area that was cyclical. Not much change since then, but at least it's something more than NOTHING! I still see the dr tomorrow morning, and I think they're going to induce me at that point. I started drinking red raspberry leaf tea, so I wondering if that's helping. I'm also tempted to go to this place near my office that boasts the "labor" salad - women go there to have the dressing or something to induce labor. I'm not a huge believer in that, but, yikes, something has to happen soon, right??? I must say, after my 12am-2am awake period when I was timing, it was hard to go back to sleep because I was getting so excited that this might actually happen. (Yes, I know it will happen eventually, but am still nervous for induction and possible c-section, but always remember all that matters is healthy baby, healthy mom!)

So, that's my update. I'm feeling pretty hopeful now, and it's nice to at least see an end in sight. I have learned so much about myself these last few weeks of pregnancy, and I know I would go through anything to have this healthy baby resting in my arms...what a blessing that will be.

Happy holidays to everyone - thanks for sharing my journey with me!

xoxo Yo

40w3d - Dr Appt Update (???)

Hi all,

Not to keep anyone in suspence, but I am still pregnant and still no signs of labor. I did see the dr today though. Had a NST (non-stress test - tests stress level of fetus) and an ultrasound to see the size of the baby and if the amniotic fluid level is good. I'm happy to report that baby W is doing GREAT and is estimated at 7.5 lbs so far. The dr also said that he has LONG legs, which made me laugh! (I always joke with DH this little guy has long legs because he's such a strong kicker. Now I know I was right!!!) In any case, they also saw him practicing his breathing, so that was really good too. I was about 80% effaced, so not much progress there either. She said to come back in 2 days on 12/24 and that it was probably going to be an exciting Christmas for us! Boy, it's so hard just waiting!

The one thing I was disappointed with was having to schedule my next appt with my least favorite dr of the practice. His bedside manner is horrible, and he was the one who was wrong with the gender - he's the most experienced in the practice too. In any case, I know no matter what happens that I and my little man will be in good hands during the delivery and that even though I don't like this dr, he is very experienced with deliveries. Eye on the prize Yo - healthy baby, healthy mom. I did have a little meltdown in the car after the appt, and I'm not sure why, except hormones. DH helped talk me through it and made a joke that he, "can't until I'm off my 'crazy' pills after the pregnancy!" It's so funny because he's actually said that he can't believe how un-hormonal I've been throughout this entire pregnancy, so he really is joking when he calls me hormonal. I just love him - and feel lucky to have that support.

That's it for now...be back to post when I know more!

xoxo Yo!

PS - I'm laughing at my pregnancy "ticker" up there...it just stopped at 40 weeks and is no longer "ticking"! I think I'll add my FF one so people know how far along I really am!

40w2d - Pregnant Forever?

Hi all,


Just posting a quick post as NOTHING is happening yet. On Thurs and Fri, I had several non-painful contractions - probably 10-15 throughout the day. Then yesterday, I only had 2-3. This guy isn't wanting to budge! I keep walking a lot, bouncing on my birth ball, doing cat/cow exercises. Plus, he's sucking the nutrients all out of my system...I haven't been this low in weight since the middle of November. I am hungry a lot, but get full easily. Yesterday, I thought I ate the world and drank a ton of water, only to lose another pound. I'm not complaining and not worried, because I know he's still moving a lot and still getting bigger.


I've updated the belly slide show in the last post, so you can see my 40 week belly. I am huge. here is one more shot of the nekked belly. I had just gotten out of the shower, so my hair is wet and not cute, but oh well!

Other than that, slept very well last night and only was up for about 1 hour and ended up with 8 hours of sleep. My swelling is WAY down - you can actually see my ankles, so I am very pleased with that. Now, if only this little guy would let us see his face!

That's all from me for now. Going out to have some fun with DH while we still can! Love to you all!

xoxo Yo!

39 weeks - wow

Okay, I've been meaning to post updates, but just haven't gotten the chance. It's all this nesting is taking away from my blogging! So here is some of what you've been waiting for...the belly shots. First, the slide show:

Then me with one of my kitties - Sophie, who weighs 9lbs. Boy, I hope I don't have a 9lb baby!



A front shot of the belly:


And, if I can, here is the video of the little guy moving!

The good part comes around 49 sec, and you really see a jump of the belly!

Okay, that's it for tonight. Love to all!

xoxo Yo!

36w3d - too much to do and too little energy!

Hi all!

Gosh...so sorry I've been so remiss in posting. We've been working soooo hard getting our nursery put together, plus regular work, plus being 8 months pregnant and having less and less energy. But, today is a good day, and I am feeling pretty good.

First, let's show you the nursery! This room started as an office with 2 tall file cabinets, big long table desk, coffee table / seating area, bookshelves, etc. I don't know if I have a before picture, but when you see these, you'll be able to imagine I think. So, it's called a "den" by our apartment complex, but besides not having a wall, it's kind of it's own room. So brilliant DH came up with a good idea of adding curtains to really make it more of a room. It's perfect! Now, it can be a nursery / guest room, and gives our guests privacy. We also have a pack and play in our bedroom that has a bassinet, so we will have baby W sleep there for the first few months. Okay, here comes the show!

Well, that's the nursery. Plus, we got our glider yesterday, so I'll try to get pics posted once we get it all assembled. Oh, and, did I mention that these photos are taken with my NEW camera? It's a 9 mega pixel digital that takes great video too, so we can just bring this camera to the birth and not have to worry about a camera AND a video camera. Yay! (DH is spoiling me a bit!)

And, here is the latest nekked belly pic - I'll post the belly slide show when I get a chance to update it with my 36w shot. I can't believe it...keep getting bigger and bigger. Now when I call it the "big fat Buddha belly" it really is and we both LOVE it. DH loves to touch it and feel the little guy kick. I can't believe how blessed I am.

DH and I will celebrate Thanksgiving together just relaxing, cooking and watching football. I work on Friday, so it will be nice to just spend it quietly together. We need a bit of R&R after putting together the nursery, so we're really looking forward to Thursday. I'll make a small turkey (is there such a thing???), our favorite stuffing, and some kind of veggies. I'm so excited!

Okay, that's it for this post. I'll try to be better at chronicling the last few weeks of my pregnancy a little better than I have been. Now that we're more ready for things, hopefully I'll have more time.

Love to you all, and I hope your Thanksgiving is blessed!

xoxo Yo!

33w6d - 35049

Hi all!

Okay, first of all, must address the number above. It's my PT license. Yes, got it in the mail today. WOW! I am a REAL Physical Therapist! All my hard work has paid off. I feel super lucky because I love my job, and really enjoy helping people.

Next, the size of the belly. How could I have thought I was "big" at 27 weeks. To refresh your memory, scroll down a couple of posts and see for yourself. Well, here is how "BIG" I am now...and I guess that means in the next 6 weeks, I just keep getting bigger! This whole process and change is a miracle and I feel so blessed. Yes, it's not without it's hardships, but everything I've gone through so far is completely worth it. (Sorry they're a little blurry, but I like the natural / non-flash light best, but our camera doesn't focus so great like this. We're getting a new one for the birth that is BETTER AND has video. Yay!)

33w6d - loving the big fat buddha belly!

Here's the side shot!

Well, cankles and swollen hands come and go, but at least my weight is levelling off a bit. I have probably gained about 1 lb in the past 3 weeks. I'm measuring just fine though, and I am not worrying AT ALL about what I eat, except being semi healthy and getting enough MILK (aka calcium as my little guy tries to steal this away from momma), fruit, veggies, and protein. Oh, does chocolate ice cream count for semi healthy? Well, I'm getting enough of that too. Oh, one good thing, I like yogurt again! I've always loved yogurt, but really hated it until about 3 weeks ago. Another good way to get in calcium.

The other thing I should mention for moms following me, think about carrying antacids with you. I will get random heartburn, and this is helping for now. There is no warning when it will come, so having some in your purse is a life-saver!

We took the first of our 2 prepared birthing classes on Tuesday, so I feel better about knowing when to go to the hospital once I reach 37 weeks. I have a feeling I'll be pregnant until 41 weeks or so, but whatever this little guy wants is what he gets. Spoiled already!

That's it for now. Hopefully, I'll be able to post more and to show pics of the nursery once we start it. We've had 2 wonderful showers, so I'll try to post pics once I get them. We got tons of GREAT stuff, and I can't believe we'll have a little one soon that will need all of this stuff.

Oh, and, I finally started packing my hospital bag! Still need some items, but have a good selection there now, so am feeling better about that.

Love to you all!

xoxo Yo

32w2d - Great Weekend!

Hi all,

This will be a pretty quick post, but wanted everyone to know I had a WONDERFUL shower this weekend! My friend Mary hosted such a nice event and I was so happy to have a chance to hang out with all my close friends. I don't currently have pics - my SIL and Mary have them, but I'll post when I get them. In the meantime, here are some new belly pics!

32 weeks

Here's the latest belly slide show:

Oh, and one more thing (just for posterity) - I PASSED MY BOARD EXAMS! YAAAAY!

Okay, gotta run. Love to you all!

xoxo Yo!

30w0d - a little behind, 10 more weeks!

Hi all!

I'm not posting much because I'm trying to get ready for my board exams in 11 days! I'm taking it on Tuesday, Oct 21 - please send me all your good thoughts on that day! Oh, and I passed my California Law Exam that I took last week, so that's good!

Okay, so I'll take a "real" belly pic tomorrow with the same shirt I've been using in the slide show, but here are the "naked" belly the past few weeks. The first one is at 27 weeks, and the second one is at 30 weeks. I can't believe I'm going to get even bigger...people are now starting to "really" ask me when I'm due, and I think they expect me to say, "Oh, in 2-3 weeks." They seem surprised that it will be December. I think it's because we rarely see women in their last few months! Okay, here are the photos. Love to you all!

27 weeks!

30 weeks!

xoxo Yo!

28w4d - 80 days to go and MORE pics!

Hi all!

Wow...I've been posting a lot lately! Well, only 80 more days and I can't believe how quickly it's going. Cankles have become ankles again thanks to drinking lots of water, keeping my feet up, and cooler weather. Makes me happy to see them again!

Here are the u/s pics from Sunday's elective u/s. He was 28w2d here. I think you can tell what most of the pics are, but I have labeled several that were a bit hard to see. It seems we might have a thumb-sucker on our hands. For most of the u/s, he wanted his R hand near his mouth trying to suck his thumb, and he loves his L arm up and over his head. He assumed that position in the previous 3D u/s too! I'm curious to see if that's how he sleeps after he's born. Okay, here's the proud mother showing off her little one!

Boy Parts

Hands Covering Face Face

Sucking Thumb

Left Arm Above Head - Favorite Position!
R Arm by Chin, L Arm by face - Favorite Position

Well, that's it for now. Hope everyone is doing great!

xoxo Yo!